10/05/08

First words, pretty weird feeling...
Like when you do an exam and you don't have any idea of what to write on the white page... well, it should be all right, i have always found staff to write and generally i got good grades for it.
Anyway not going back to school, that was a long time ago.

Today was a long day and it's only 8pm. I started with the gym at 9. This is my new thing. I have decided to get fit again. I used to be one of these little models you can see around town for fashion week when i was living in Milan, maybe a brain was making me a bit different to the others.
Then i moved to NY, i guess i started getting a bit disgusted by my superficial image ... the sexy little Parisian preppy living this superficial NY fashion life in between all these shallow people...
Anyway, after almost 2 years i moved back to Paris for work till i realize that was not my thing.
I could not be one of these little soldiers... I tried very very very hard to obey and accept this modern dictatorship.... but NO sorry not for me. I had this crisis several time in the subway while going to work... starting feeling uncomfortable, super hot and then feeling the sweat on my face, my back, my legs... So i resigned after almost 2 years again. They did not get it, i was on the spotlight, i did not leave to go to a competitor, i just left because i was in need of it, to survive; i was dying inside.

So here i am, trying to do my own thing, the way i feel it and not applying the rules of the big marketing corporation i was working at.

Anyway just to sum up i played hard in NY, i destroyed myself a bit too much, i worked hard in Paris and as much as i was rejecting my fake beautiful job i rejected myself.

So now it s like a rebirth, taking care of myself and feeling in harmony with what i do.

So, getting back to the gym is an important step. Now i have started again i know i will go on daily basis and i will get addicted. It feels good to run for an hour and start feeling the muscles responding, sweating like a guinea-pig but then feeling better then when you get up after a super long night... i m starting loving it again.

After that i walked t my office which is not so far from the gym... it was pretty painful, every 5 steps i was ready to fall down on the street. I was even wondering what would happened if i was... I worked for one hour and then Elke pick me up with her car... I accepted to help her to find some flowers for her windows. In reality it s not about the flowers, Elke is a super strong beautiful Dutch girl, one of my closest friends and her aunt is dying of a cancer in a Parisian hospital. 2 days ago she started crying at dinner, first time i saw her like that. So whatever reason is good to spend time together these days.
We get lost of course because we have no idea where to buy these flowers... so we finished in the Uberchic area of Paris where everything was obviously closed because of the long holidays weekend... It was super hot today and while i m playing with the automatic button of the cars window, some strange noise happened... the window of the door fall down! We both don't get it and start laughing (we always experiment some strange things together in cars).
We find the only garage open in the full area and they look at us in a very strange way... 'we never saw that happening on a BMW, very odd...' Well i guess we start getting used to it. They succeed to fix it temporarily with cardboard in the door connections... so we can go to our flower stores that we finally identify on the other side of Paris.
Elke got a phone call of her mother, her aunt passed away one hour ago. I feel sad and sorry for her. I understand what she feels, i lost my mother in a hospital 3 years ago, i know what it is to wait, hope, get scared every time the phone rings...
I spent the rest of the hour in the store to try to make her feel better... We stop by the hospital so that she can see her family before the evening meeting.
Then we stop by my place to put all the flowers i bought and i have no idea where to put them on the windows. My cat does not seem to enjoy them so much. We grab a light lunch at 5pm and i let her go and join her family.
I go to buy a new canvas as i m thinking of doing a new painting tonight but of course the store has not more and i will have to come back on Tuesday. Monday is another holiday. No wonder why nobody works in this country we got one day off, paid, once a week for 4 weeks in a raw...

I m now home and ready for a bubblebath.
The first page is not white anymore.
Please forgive my French or should i say my bad English...